Let me be the first to admit that I am in no way an expert on marriage...
But what I AM is a wife that genuinely loves her husband.
What I will tell any couple that is ready to take the steps towards marriage is COMMUNICATION IS KEY.
My husband and I have been together for over 13 years and married for 4 years. Has everything been perfect? - No. Have we both made mistakes? - Yes. There will be many mistakes. There are things in marriage that are very different from courtship. Every stumbling block should not constitute break ups/divorce. If you talk through your problems you often find that the initial conflict happened because of poor communication or the lack thereof. Talk with your spouse. Express to them your needs, wants, what you like and don't like. If that person cares at all they will do everything in their power to meet those requests.
Since I have come to grasp this concept the easier it is for me to communicate with him before anything has the opportunity to escalate. Not saying that we don't still argue or have disagreements because we do LOL, but it is minimal compared to earlier in the marriage. Marriage works if you work at it. Let love lead the way.
These years have been great for us because as I told him not long ago - "Honey we honestly grew up together". We started dating at 14/15 years old. He told me he doesn't know why he kept me around this long - his sarcasm. Which brings me to my next tip:
LAUGH OFTEN
I am a person that LOVES to LAUGH. My husband and myself both are undercover comedians. We laugh entirely too much some may say, but there is no such thing as laughing too much in my opinion. While we are out in public we see couples with stern looks on their faces, they do not seem happy at all. They see me and my husband laughing and we get many turned up smirks. I even once heard a woman say "there's nothing THAT funny"
Tuh says who lady? I enjoy my husband's company and he mine. It has been that way for 13+ years and by the grace of God it will continue to be that way.
Laughter is good for the soul and I really believe that. Nothing worse than a person that is just serious all the time. RELAX and laugh.
MAKE INTIMACY A PRIORITY
Now I know we all lead busy lives. Especially if you have a two wage earner household as we do. Regardless of the schedules you should still make time to be intimate with your spouse. Intimacy is not just SEX either. Be intimate, be close to one another, sit close on the couch and watch television, rub/touch one another, kiss, cuddle, flirt etc. Make time for dating.
I think most relationships lose their luster when couples STOP dating. Just because you are married and have been together for a while doesn't mean you have to stop doing what you did to get her/him.
My husband and I make sure we go on a date every other weekend at LEAST. I know kids complicate things in this area but you should make it your priority to get a sitter as often as you can. Do not allow ANYTHING to overshadow your relationship. Parents need time for themselves as well.
As my pastor says "The husband and wife are the FAMILY and children are an ADDITION to"
The same way you feel about ensuring that you do not neglect your kids you should spend the same amount of effort ensuring that you are NOT neglecting your spouse. There has to be a balance.
I saved this one for last because this is the deal breaker in a lot of marriages....
BUDGET YOUR FINANCES
I would like to think that in a marriage there is an equal amount of give and take but we all know that is NOT true. Most instances 1 spouse makes more than the other and that's understandable. What ever your financial situation is there should be an agreement upon the finances and the way in which they are handled. If your agreement is that the man works and the woman stays home, that's all well and good if that is the agreement set forth between you and your spouse.
So in OUR household, being that we both work - we primarily split the bills 50/50. I handle the finances. We have a joint bank account for our bills but we also have our own separate accounts. I can NOT stress to you how much easier it is this way. I think this is by far the best way to handle your finances. There's no "oh honey you didn't give me the money for this bill" NOPE if our expenses are $1000 per month then $500 comes directly from both paychecks monthly to cover. There is no such thing as over spending from the account because he has his own account to spend from as far as his leisure money as do I.
Now lets touch on when the finances get rocky - and it happens.
Job loss for either spouse - Uh Oh this is where things go sour. Now 1 spouse has to cover 100% of the finances. Suddenly things get behind, bill collectors are calling, things are getting repossessed. What now?
Well my friends the only advice I have is to take it to the Lord in prayer. I know things get hard financially especially this day in time. 1 person can NOT do it all especially if the agreement was 50/50; if you have any consideration or love for your spouse you would not even consider that it is OK to sit around and do nothing and watch your spouse struggle to make ends meet.
Now I think the spouse that has lost a job should do everything in their power to become gainfully employed once again - and they do most times but answer me this - why is it that people still divorce over this problem?
I will tell you why. Instead of praying together, going to church, tithing, believing in God for better, communicating with one another, they choose to argue and name call. There are some hurtful things said in tough financial situations. It's always easier to bail out than to work it out - right? Sadly, this is the mindset of most people who bail out of each tough situation, no relationship will work they will find themselves failing at everything until they learn how to work out their problems.
I think tough times should draw you closer to God and closer to one another. Do not let the Devil win. Please because he will try his best.
My pastor says you will be tested in 3 areas: your FAITH, FAMILY, and your FINANCES.
And this is just as sure as the air you breathe. Knowing the signs we are better equipped to handle each attack. I strongly urge you to join the church of a good bible teacher. Read the word and learn how to fight this spiritual warfare.
If you are truly ready for marriage my best spiritual advice is:
In ALL things put God first and all other things will fall into place.
Peace and Blessings
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